Whole Hearted

by | Sep 2, 2017 | Our Stories

Below is Jenaya’s story of naming their son Caleb which Pastor Terry shared briefly in his message on August 27.

I know the Lord speaks

I know he speaks to people in many different ways. I know for some people He speaks with an audible voice that cannot be ignored. I have yet to experience hearing that version of His voice in my life, most likely because I am a terrible listener… Thankfully He is persistent and He gets through to me in other ways.

In the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy many people asked me if I thought our baby was a boy or a girl. People made their own predictions of course, but I never had a feeling one way or another. I honestly couldn’t even guess, and didn’t care either way. I just told everyone, “as long as they’re healthy”. (Funny how your perspective changes.)

Our routine ultrasound in Winkler told us that something was very wrong with our sweet baby’s heart, but it didn’t tell us much else. Half of it was missing the radiologist told me with a very serious look on his face. Okay so what does that mean? How is this little person supposed to live with half a heart? Can they even live at all?

I think we mourned that week. We mourned the loss of the healthy babe we were dreaming of. We feared the worst, that there was no hope at all. I felt sorry for myself for days. “Haven’t I been through enough for one lifetime?” I asked God. “Could you just cut me some slack for once?”

So began one of the longest weeks of my life, waiting to see the specialists in Winnipeg. However, the week of wallowing in self pity was interrupted one night.

I dreamt we were in a noisy, crowded place (a festival maybe…) and I was searching for something, or someone. I felt a sense of urgency that I hadn’t felt before, I needed to find whatever I was looking for. Frantic, I was scanning groups of faceless people. The panic suddenly disappears as a little boy, maybe 3 or 4 years old comes running up to me through the crowd. I recognize him. His smile and blue eyes are so familiar. He looks just like Eric. He wraps his little arms around my legs and everything is alright again. Somehow I know his name is Caleb. Then the dream ends and I wake up, but I can’t get that little boy out of my head. I casually asked Eric the next day what he thought of the name Caleb, (up until this point we hadn’t really found any names that we both liked) he didn’t think long before deciding he liked it! Out of curiosity I googled what Caleb meant and the first thing I found was…

Hebrew name meaning:
“a dog; faithful”

Well faithful is nice, but a dog? Hmm… wasn’t exactly what I was going for. Don’t think I’m going to name my kid that! The rest of the week Caleb was on my mind though. Despite my attempts to convince myself the dream probably meant nothing, deep down I already knew we were having a son. A day or two later I worked up the courage to tell Eric that I was pretty sure we were having a baby boy. Trying to explain myself with out sounding too crazy, I told him about the boy in my dream.

Our appointment to see the specialists in Winnipeg arrived and when the ultrasound technician said “That’s definitely a boy!” I wasn’t in the least bit shocked. There he was, wiggling around in my belly, full of LIFE! Every other inch of his body perfect and healthy. Our new cardiologist told us our baby would hopefully run and play someday, almost like all the other kids just with a few repairs along the way. We left those appointments overwhelmed and exhausted but filled with new hope!

On the way home I decided to give Google another shot, I typed in ‘Caleb name meaning’ and this was what I found… “An alternate Hebrew meaning offered for Caleb is “faithful, devotion, whole hearted, bold, brave”. This on the basis of it actually being a compound word, a phenomenon quite common in ancient Hebrew. Col (Caf + Lamed) = “all” or “whole”;  Lev (Lamed + Bet) = “heart” Therefore, Caleb (or Calev as pronounced in Hebrew) would actually mean:

“whole hearted”

This might be due to the Biblical Caleb, a companion of Moses and Joshua, being noted for his astute powers of observation and fearlessness in the face of overwhelming odds.” Whole hearted, bold and brave!!! Okay God, message received. Those were exactly the kind of words I wanted to use to describe our son!

God had given our son a name that could not be more perfect. You see, despite how broken doctors think he is, in God’s eyes our son is whole. Perfectly constructed by His mighty hands. Knit together so intricately that only He knows every tiny detail of Caleb’s mighty heart. I think God used my dream and Caleb’s name to remind me that He still has big plans! I know that does not mean the road will be easy, and it does not mean Caleb is guaranteed to live a long life. It does mean however that Caleb’s story, no matter how long or short, will have purpose. It will touch people’s lives, and hopefully teach others about God’s power and faithfulness.